A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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