Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
