If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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