whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize