Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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