after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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