I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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