Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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