Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
