she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
