There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
