I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
