somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
