she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize