Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I am midnight drunk by noon
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
