DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
