3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
