i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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