They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
