This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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