everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
