After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
