Me. At least after what I've been through.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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