So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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