Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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