ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
