after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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