Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
