would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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