Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
