i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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