you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
