Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
