so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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