I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
should my penis look like a turkey
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
