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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
