You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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