I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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