i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize