It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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