so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
