The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
