If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
