if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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