Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
