Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
