I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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