either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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