I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
