I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
