You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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