New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sobbing to NWA
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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