At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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