can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
