ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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