When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm really busy with my period
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
