recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize