And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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