it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
