somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
this is an emotional support booty call
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