When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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