All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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