roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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