Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
