Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
