I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
