My liver just broke up with me...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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